Following God's Plan When You're A Planner Yourself

I'll be the first to admit it. I'm a little bit of a control freak. From the time I was in elementary school, I had my entire adult life planned out from where and for what I would go to college, what age I would be done by, when I'd get married, the exact makeup of kids I wanted in my family, how I would parent, and later, a game plan for how I wanted to run for public office. The school part was, with the exception of where I went, right on track... until April of my last year of undergrad.

I was going to be real-life Elle Woods. You know, pink power suits, loads of money, a confident, successful young woman taking the legal world by storm, the whole nine yards. I'd put my heart and soul into my schooling by studying Political Science and Classical Studies for three years and maintaining a GPA that would "look good" when I applied for law schools. I was active in community service, my sorority, pageants, and student government. Confident that all of this would put me into position to reach my dreams, I spent my life preparing for the future.

Throughout this time, I put focus into my faith (pun intended) as well. Ultimately, I thought that because I could use this career field and any money I made from it to serve God and His people and that desire was there, it MUST be what He wanted me to do. So, being the all-or-nothing person I am, I dove in head-first. I was content in believing that because I wanted something and had the "right" intentions that it must be God's plan for me. There was always a bit of doubt, though, in the midst of that "confidence." Something else was pulling at my heart.

Growing up, I always loved my teachers. I wanted nothing more than to be a sponge for knowledge and to be their friend. Year after year, the idea popped into my head as I saw how enthusiastic and joyful my teachers were. A small voice in my heart always peacefully, gently whispered, "Wouldn't you love to be one of them?" Of course, I'd entertained the idea, but, from second grade on, with all the voices around me saying "You'd make a great lawyer!" and "Teachers don't make enough money for the lifestyle you want. You'll be happier with a lawyer's salary," and "You're too smart to waste your intelligence on being a teacher," I brushed it off. It always managed to come back, though.

Finally, the time came to start studying for the LSAT and seriously looking into law programs. In my research, I began to feel very overwhelmed and anxious. In my time in counseling for OCD, I realized that being in a highly competitive, perfectionist environment is not good for my mental health. I also saw what my friends in law school were doing on a daily basis, and it did not line up with my fashionably romanticized idea of what I thought it would be. The more these fears grew, the more I started to believe that being a lawyer wasn't God's will for me, but my own. I was devastated that the plans I'd always had for myself would never come to fruition, and, on top of that, I was about to graduate. But what else would I do with those degrees?

Someone had brought up open teaching positions around the state. The demand is obviously there. My heart fluttered at the idea of getting to pass on what all of my great teachers had given to me. I felt a sense of peace, not out of laziness or taking the "easy" way, but feeling a humble sureness that the struggles of that career are the ones I'm willing to take on, which didn't come to my 1,000 mile-per-hour, perfection-seeking mind often. Plus, I was admittedly struggling at my job I had at the time. So, out of curiosity, I started doing some research into how to become a teacher in North Dakota. This led me to a weeks-long game of telephone tag with one of the department heads for the education college at UND. In the midst of this, I asked God, "Is this what you've been wanting me to do all along?"

I mean, despite what appeared to be opposites, I could see how the two jobs fit together. In both teaching and law, one must be knowledgeable, articulate, and have a thick skin. The goal of both jobs is to serve those who need what one has to offer, and, hopefully, they leave with better lives at the end. God's desires on my heart started to make more sense: I did have the right desires, but I was just focusing them toward the wrong career for me.

I was so incredibly excited to set up a meeting to chat with the advisor about what my options were. It turned out that they were piloting a new online program for a Master's in Curriculum and Instruction that could get me certified to teach in North Dakota, and I could even teach while I was working on it! I felt like God plopped this big flashing "yes!" in my lap. So, again, I started diving in head-first. I made phone calls, arranged meetings, and set up a program of study for a Master's degree in April of my senior year of college. Being last-minute, I was thrilled but stressed.

I didn't tell anyone other than my sister and best friend about this until I had more of an idea of what was going on, but when I finally started telling my loved ones, I received some pushback. "You'll never make enough money." "Why would you want to work with high schoolers? That would be the worst." "You could do so much more with your life than just teaching." My parents even entertained the idea of cutting me off financially after promising to pay the interest on my student loans (however, they are extremely supportive now, it just took the initial shock wearing off. They rock and just wanted the best for me!). I hit another point of pleading with God. "Are you sure this is what you want for me? If it's going to happen, it's gotta happen now." I never heard a yes, but I still had my question answered. A wise person once told me to "go where there is peace." I felt a sense of calm fall over me when I prayed about this. That's how I knew.

Once I got all of my ducks in a row, I started applying for jobs. I had heard "no" from a few jobs right off the bat. It was disheartening and made me question whether this really was what God was calling me to, or if I was simply running with my newest obsession. I cold-called a school asking about openings that I'd seen online, and I got a call back a few days later. I sent in my paperwork and stopped by for an interview, wearing my mom's old floral dress from the 90s, oozing with nerves.

At the completion of the interview, another employee gave me a tour of the school. This particular high school had a population of more than 1,000 more than my high school I attended, so I was in shock. Before the tour was even done, I was offered a position. This was in mid-July. I had just moved my boyfriend out to California and had just graduated from college. My life was completely up in the air at this point. I didn't know where I'd be a week from that interview, but I knew I had to trust God. He'd made things work up to this point, and I know a loving, fatherly God wouldn't stop now. Two and a half weeks later, I was moving my entire life into my own apartment in a city I'd only been to four times for a job for which I didn't feel qualified or prepared.

After a few weeks, I settled into my new life and God came through for me. He knew this entire time that this was, in fact, what I was created for. I have never felt more secure in a decision or more fulfilled and whole than when I'm in my classroom, sharing content about which I am passionate with kids with whom I get to build relationships. It is the best gift I could have asked for; God led me to my place.

Two years ago, I thought I'd be in law school. My life looks polar opposite to what I thought it would, but God knew what He was doing. When He created me, He made someone meant to simply love those around her through her interests, and I can't think of a better place to do that but within the classroom. My students mean the world to me, and now that I have taught, I can't think of a better way for me to spend my life. There is such intense beauty in working a job that allows one to serve and love.

For the young people struggling to let go of the control over their lives and their plans for themselves: take every decision to prayer, trustingly give it to God, and follow the peace.